Spanking redux
Post in question
Which was in response to this post
Which mentioned this article
My main premise
1. Parents over-react when dealing with their children
2. If you over-react and spank you risk bodily injury.
3. Herego, I do not spank my kids.
Objections/Clarifications from others
Jim
"I think the key here is discipline, both for the child and for the parent"
Don't spank your kids when you are angry.
Single Ma
"...I believe in matching the punishment with the crime. Some things require positive reinforcement, while others require negative reinforcement or even spanking. I use all of them as forms of discipline, depending on the unacceptable behavior"
Also mentioned not spanking when angry.
Apex - first responese (no website): "Its a rather poor argument to take the extreme of any situation and use that as an argument for the abolition of the entire situation"
Apex - second response: "the child didn't die from spanking but from being wrapped in a blanket and suffocating so that kind of defeats your argument a bit"
"your short response...ignored my central point that the extreme example is not a reason to argue against the use in fair practice" [sorry about that, was unintentional]
Objections/Clarifications from me
1. I should have mentioned that I based my reasoning on my own personal experience. My parents spanked/whipped me with a belt and sometimes it was overdone. It was overdone to the point that I had red welts on my hands that made it difficult to write.
2. That being said, I would just like to point out that I am an immature 22-year-old father. I am starting a new career and I have a new house with a whole list of issues that need to be remedied. I am still trying to find ways to deal with an enormous amount of stress and frustration, i.e. life in general
I feel that I, as an individual, am incapable of spanking my kids all the time for the right reasons and therefore I am not going to spank them. I feel that alternative methods of punishment and discipline will be just as effective or more effective than spanking. I also feel that reconciling with them after I've blown my top and sent them into timeout is less damaging than if I had spanked them.
Apex, you are right when you say that "Pain serves a purpose and it is to correct poor behavior." You also state that: "Timeouts are a form of pain. Removing a desired toy is a form of pain", and I agree with that statement. I feel that those forms of non-physical punishment suffice.
Conclusion of sorts
Honestly, I didn't think the post would generate that many comments. It was something really quick that I threw together.
Seeing as how I spent some time on this post however, I predict very little comments.
Tags: parenting
10:13 AM
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4 comments:
Thanks for the clarification on your situation. Your post seemed to be written to suggest that all or most parents would have difficulty controlling themselves in this manner.
Good parenting requires knowing your own strengths, weaknesses, and current limits.
I commend you for understanding your current situation and current potential to over-due the discipline and to take steps to protect your children from that, namely your choice not to spank because of your concern about your going too far when you are upset.
Thanks for the clarity.
Anytime apex. Thanks for providing the statistics as well. And no, I don't view you all as "red-necks", just the ones that are in TX...lol, cause that's where I grew up :P
j/k
Thanks for the insightful comments once again
From personal experience (I was spanked, beaten, etc.) spanking is not a necessary child-rearing tool.
I have changed my mind about this over the years. When I started out as a young immature parent, I knew I was never going to beat my kids. But I relented that a "one-smack" spanking was sometimes called for and I disciplined my children using that limit for many years. My first wife agreed with me on this.
My second wife insisted on absolutely zero spanking or other physical punishment. I had no role-models for this kind of discipline, but somehow found a way to work things out. My kids test my limits, drive me up a wall, are willful and independent, in other words doing exactly what they should be doing at their ages. I treat them with respect, which isn't to say I cave to them on anything. I model respect to them and expect similar respect from them to both me and my wife.
My kids are great. They are not super well behaved little automatons but they do (for the most part) behave themselves incredibly well. Additionally they treat strangers with respect, do their best to control themselves, and best of all are not running around scared about suddenly being hit.
You seem to have a good handle on things and I just wanted to offer some encouragement. Kids will act up and there's nothing wrong with that. They are willful and independent beings, qualities we respect and admire in adults. We don't want to drive their willfulness and independence out of them but rather teach them to use those qualities properly so they don't encroach on others.
All the best to you in your parenting, atheism, and financial independence.
Adam
I was spanked with a belt growing up. Always bare, and sometimes on the genitals. It hurt a lot. I don't think kids should be spanked.
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